Sticky floors, everyone crammed into a tight dance floor, dancing awkwardly to barely understandable and overbearingly loud music. Your friends are leaving you to jump up and down with a couple of Welsh tourist boys they met 5 minutes ago. The unavoidable sickness afterwards from too much tequila or the spread of freshers flu. Whenever I find myself out on a lousy decision fuelled night, hovelled in some corner of Hive or some other club, the same question runs through my mind – why do I keep doing this to myself?
Though my club nights are now few and far between, I can’t help but hate myself afterwards for it. Perhaps it’s because I’m going into my third year at uni or because after the pandemic, the idea of being squished into a room with more than ten people around me scares the living shit out of me.
Perhaps it’s the cringy experience of seeing a bunch of 17/18-year-old white girls trying to twerk. I don’t get it. I never understood what was so appealing about the experience, why so many students would put themselves through the draining ordeal of getting sickeningly wasted and gyrating with your friends to a song you probably hate with strangers piling on top of you.
In preparation for this article, I decided I needed to observe the scenario to figure out precisely what I hated so much. I needed to put the scientific method into action. I went out on a couple of nights during welcome week, and after one night too many woke up the following day sicker than I have been in years. I ended up watching a couple of movies like ‘Knocked Up’ in awe of how Katherine Heigl somehow makes cringe white girl dance moves just as awkward as it is in real life (knowing from personal experience).
All of it reminded me just how abhorrent I find the entire situation. I’m not sure why I still end up at a club occasionally (more often than I care to admit), knowing I’m going to end the night on my couch with a styrofoam container full of chips and ketchup feeling greasy and so out of it that I feel like I’m moving in slow-motion.
Honestly, the part I hate the most is knowing that part of why I do it is because I feel obligated to ‘act my age,’ like being above it immediately labels me obnoxious. I’m fucking tired of trying to be a part of the scene, trying to be the general population’s idea of what it means to be ‘young’ – irresponsible, impulsive, likes to have a good time. A generalisation maybe, but it sure as shit has felt like that for some time. As I get older, I guess I’m starting to realise more and more that it doesn’t matter what others think of you (as cliché as that sounds). Fuck everyone else and be yourself, even if that means I’m an obnoxious hypocrite sometimes.
Image via Pxfuel