Edinburgh's independent student newspaper

The Pasta Disasta of 2k21

A wire basket of bowtie pasta against a blue background
Saturday 4th December 2021 16.14

Grace O’Neal thinks she’s got pasta problems. Personally, I had never even heard of bow-tie pasta needing glue to hold itself together (as do most of us, let’s be honest, so who am I to judge) and I’m not even 100% convinced it’s true. But if she wants to stand by her earlier claims, I invite her to come back with a few more stats, for example, what kind of glue? Is it environmentally friendly? Is it vegan? These are questions that a true pasta connoisseur of Generation Z would have investigated thoroughly before sending bow-tie to the gallows.

However, I’m not here to rant about last week’s news, today’s (barely) history. I have my own pasta pain to share with you all. I am a huge pasta proponent, don’t get me wrong. Yet last week, I endured some severe tortellini trauma that has haunted me ever since. 

There I was, innocently preparing my dinner, when I noticed several of the pasta pockets had holes in them. No big deal, right? I wasn’t then ready to condemn Tesco over a couple of holes - it’s been a tough 18 months for us all.

Yet the minute the pasta hit the water, chaos ensued. I’ve seen less gory crime scenes on Alibi. Within a few seconds, my precious pockets had exchanged their tasty filling for barely boiled water. I am first-aid certified, but not even I could resuscitate this meal. The pasta pockets bobbing up at me were more hollow than Kimye’s marriage, the water so lumpy and grey I couldn’t even throw it down the sink! 

Like I said, this year has been tough for us all. But is it really too much to expect than in such hard times, my Tuesday night dinner delivers? Clearly it was for Edinburgh’s Tesco and Tortellini traders.

Image via Flickr