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Horoscopes

Horoscopes: 28 March 2018

AQUARIUS Your sister forgets to invite you to her daughter, your niece’s christening. You understand that it’s implied by your proximity to the girl, but it would have been nice to get an invitation like everyone else – you show up anyway, bitter and without a gift. SCORPIO Your flatmates ask you to remove the […]

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Horoscopes

Horoscopes: 14 March 2018

AQUARIUS Chance would be a fine thing, a fine thing indeed. SCORPIO Midnight creeps so slowly into hearts of men who need more than they get. Daylight deals a bad hand to a woman who has laid too many bets. Dance! Boogie wonderland. CANCER As the repulsiveness of the work increases, the wage decreases, so […]

Categories
Horoscopes

Horoscopes: 28 February 2018

AQUARIUS You find out that some brands of hotdogs are 92 per cent anus, which makes you feel better about yourself – being approximately less than one per cent anus. SCORPIO You give patronising advice and then explain why it wasn’t patronising so as to avoid any confusion. CANCER You write your own horoscope for […]