• Fri. Feb 23rd, 2024

Bernie Ecclestone endorses Sepp Blatter as “the best man for football”

ByCharles Nurick

Oct 25, 2015
Courtesy of https://ohhffs.wordpress.com

This week in Off The Ball, Charles Nurick takes a sideways look at the news that F1 supremo Bernie Ecclestone has endorsed Sepp Blatter as “the best man for football”.

Sepp Blatter leaving FIFA would be fantastic.

But not for the reasons you might expect: Sepp Blatter is a comedy genius.

There, I’ve said it, and you all know I’m right. Oh, you want me to explain? Well alright then.

Last week, Bernie Ecclestone publicly endorsed Sepp Blatter as the right man for FIFA in a move that’s a bit like getting Donald Trump to endorse your hair style.

It is this absurdist humour that shows he is wasted in the politics of football. So leave FIFA, Sepp, I have a new plan for you.

First off, start touring your new stand-up show ‘Blatter Late Than Never’, where you can talk openly about your love of football, money, and favourite knock-knock jokes.

Next it’s time to release a single for ‘charity’ just in time for Christmas, called “All I Want For Christmas Is Sepp”, which will shoot straight to number one.

After a short but successful cameo in The Hangover Part 7, you can decide that maybe it’s time to return to football.

You buy the struggling Burton Albion and watch as they race up the leagues with absolutely no signs of wrongdoing, before retiring a hero.

Follow this plan Sepp and everyone will see you how I do: an underappreciated genius.

By Charles Nurick

Fourth year History student. A lover of sports, gin, and long, hot baths A disliker of slow walkers, clingfilm, and umbrellas.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *