Ladies, ladies, the planet around us is dying. It’s time to do something. We all banded together to stop using plastic straws (even if the paper ones do get a bit soggy in our mojitos) and since our switch, the turtles have completely stopped dying.
We need to do the same but this time for our periods. Do you know how much waste you produce in a single month? At least 10, maybe even 15 tampons. All those wrappers and applicators (let’s face it, Lil-Lets are intimidating) are going into the landfill, killing the marine life there.
Don’t even get me started on sanitary towels, all of it is plastic and they’re about ten times the size of a tampon. I once saw a seagull suffocate in one. Its beautiful orange beak smothered by the white sticky plastic of the pad. It made one last shriek before a deafening silence fell across Skegness Pleasure Beach Front. Probably, I can’t quite remember, I see so much trauma on the news these days I tend to zone out.
Even you mother earth lovers, with your fancy menstrual cups and superior smiles, are you that much better? They’re made of silicone — which is not biodegradable! You need to replace that cup every 10 years. That’s about 4 cups in your pre-menopausal lifetime. What a waste. Piled high, the number of menstrual cups used in your lifetime is equal to that of the stack of non-compostable Nespresso pods used daily by any one government minister. But imagine the state the country would be in if they weren’t caffeinated.
The most natural thing, the best thing, for you, and for the planet is to free bleed! Let your vagina breathe (the polluted air) ladies, it’s the best thing for it. Don’t suffocate her. You wash your pants anyway, a little blood on them will come out with some soap. Unless, of course, you’re using eco-friendly detergent, but the stains will mark you as a true warrior of the cause.
Don’t worry about the trail of menstrual blood you’ll leave behind on chairs. Men have been taught almost nothing about our bodies, so will just be confused as to why there’s red wine stains on your seat when you were drinking white. If you are really self-conscious, you can always put a towel down – microfibre ones will fold down neatly in your handbag.
Free bleeding is the next frontier in the eco-fight. Have you seen the IPCC report that’s come out recently? If we don’t cut emissions in half by 2030, we won’t meet the target of only heating the planet up by 1.5⁰C.
We need to take action girls, it’s not like the big companies actually causing the issue are going to do anything. Oil companies have bucket loads of cash to spend on lobbyists, that spend money on government officials, to persuade them to continue draining oil out of the sea. With all these lavish dinners and party donations, we can’t expect politicians to be making changes to their lifestyles now, can we?
It’s not like we can do without fossil fuels right now, anyway. Think about China and how much they need their coal. We rely on their huge factories for the production of almost all our goods. How would they continue to churn out £1 bikinis for Shein if they didn’t have a lot of energy to do that? We need their cheap manufacturing so the retail industry can keep burning their sale items that haven’t sold so they have room for the new cheap stock they’ve just ordered.
How would they even get China in check anyway? These big countries can never agree to anything, they weren’t even the ones that wanted to limit us to a 1.5⁰C increase. It was only when they realised they would be ignoring the countries they raid all their raw materials from that they thought about the consequences that climate change might have. Desertification could mean a lack of diamonds. As they’re a girl’s best friend we really need to give it a think.
Ladies let’s free bleed, and if you can pee in your sink all the better, as that saves water. You’ll get over the smell soon enough. I’m sure if enough of us take part it’ll change something. It’s up to us, after all the government can’t do anything, right?
Image via Monika Kozub