• Sat. Dec 2nd, 2023

Fictional Fix-Ups: Scarlett O’Hara meets James Bond

ByFiona Grew

Mar 3, 2015

Tired and despondent of meddling in the love lives of others, head Fixer-Upper of Fictional Fix-Ups Dating Agency, Fiona Grew, lobbed her resignation notice at her boss’ head last week. However, this wasn’t before she had thrown caution to the wind and sent Scarlett O’Hara on a date with James Bond. Here’s what they had to say about one another…


I joined the Agency because I felt sure it would be an excellent way to meet new men and get them to take me out. I get so frightfully bored sitting at home if I’ve nothing to do and Mama does insist it’s not proper for me to start my own business, though I feel more than capable of it. Anyway, I was told to meet Mr. Bond outside the Shoe Lane Library, near City Thameslink station. Of course I had never heard of it – I’m not going to waste time memorizing library names and locations, am I? – so I was late. James was leaning against the flashiest car I’ve ever seen and before I knew it he was whisking me out of London towards a country pub. He was rather mysterious about his work (always disconcerting) but he managed to actually ask me some questions for once, a relief since I’m sick and tired of feeding the egos of other men.


Miss O’Hara is a very attractive young lady and clearly no fool. She wasn’t for a second deceived by my attempts to question her instead of discuss my job, which happens to be vaguely tied in with the government and thus involves some discretion. I’ve no doubt she charms as many men as she chooses with her simpering and fluttering eyelids but I get the impression that behind the flirting and pretence of vapidity there’s a shrewd brain that would be well suited in the world of business. Scarlett’s company was refreshing, if nothing else.

By Fiona Grew

Fiona Grew is a 4th year Philosophy & Theology student and Editor-in-Chief at The Student.  

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