• Fri. Sep 22nd, 2023

How to get over 2016

ByEmily Hall

Nov 29, 2016

Step 1: Let go of those pulses

When you think 2016, you think pulses. As we all know, the UN declared this year the International Year of Pulses in celebration of lentils, peas, and beans, but unfortunately, this joyous occasion is coming to an end. Find your way forward with alternative protein sources like eggs and nuts.

Step 2: Remember the Olympics

No one is having a harder time getting over 2016 than the 11,000+ athletes who competed in this year’s Olympics. After training for their whole lives, their performances were overshadowed by the media’s gaze upon the US Republican Convention, such as Donald Trump declaring “I am your voice”, Rudy Giuliani repeatedly yelling “greatness!” and Melania Trump plagiarising Michelle Obama. To help them cope, send your letters of appreciation to the ‘Fallen Stars of 2016’ support group.

Step 3: Focus on New Zealand

In order to maintain a positive narrative of 2016 for future memories, discard your current associations and check out the year New Zealand had. If you exclusively focus on New Zealand, you will remember 2016  for the exciting marine antics of ‘Operation Neptune’, where the navy did thrilling things like put on plays and parades; the national record-breaking 18 medals they won in the summer Olympics; and darling New Zealander country singer Suzanne Prentice’s well deserved Benny Award, which I am sure is impressive.

Step 4: Adopt a New Hobby

With Brexit and President-Elect Trump becoming realities, many of us have neglected the fact that North Korea’s nuclear testing has reached a newly advanced stage this year. The best way to move forward is to pick up a fun new hobby that can double as a backup career plan should the increasingly likely apocalypse occur. Consider minimalist undertaking, gardening with resilient genetically modified crops, arms training, or technology independent communications. A few more extreme options include running and camping. 

Step 5: Find a New Small-Talk Topic

Everyone confronted with a silence among strangers is now frozen and confused without the Great British Bake Off to turn to. A new go-to topic is a must. The Student’s Lifestyle section will provide a wide array of topics to do the trick.

By Emily Hall

As a writer, Emily contributes to news, features, comment, science & technology, lifestyle, tv & radio, culture and sport. This native Seattlite is a cake pop enthusiast who can regularly be found trying to make eye-contact with stranger’s dogs on the streets of Edinburgh.

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