This week, the word cringe developed a whole other meaning for this country. The sight of seeing our mighty Prime Minister Theresa May, in whose hands Britain’s dark post-Brexit future has been entrusted, jig across the stage to the sound of ABBA’s ‘Dancing Queen’ was, quite honestly, painful.
Such was the jarring movement and lack of rhythm displayed that it simultaneously was worse than seeing one’s own mother attempt to impress friends on the dance oor. It made the horror of having to watch a sex scene with your parents sound attractive, and a dinner between former lovers look tensionless.
Her Public Relations team must have thought that they were onto a winner when they came up with the idea of hijacking the nation’s love of Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again and convincing any undecided Tories that May is the buoyant leader to get them through these troubles. Yet, what they seemed to forget is that the woman representing them has about as much charisma as the Tin Man without a heart, and showed even less mobility in her robotic jerk to the lectern.
As such, while May was meant to be showing her determination to ght for her leadership, she instead created another opportunity for the internet to laugh at her expense and alienate her even further from the image of ‘strong and stable’ leadership that she formerly tried to paint.
While Churchillian speeches are not a pre-requisite for Prime Ministerial duty, a connection with the voting public on some level helps to assure the country that they are being led by a human rather than a goblin sent from the depths of Conservative HQ to guide the ship through the Brexit storm.
At this moment, Mrs May seems to lack such a connection and while she appears to be a lovely, well-intentioned woman, she has the buffoon-like ability to ll the most light-hearted tasks with an overpowering awkwardness.
It would be disastrous for such a pivotal Prime Minister, who will de ne this country’s position for the next generation, to be remembered in such a negative way. It is therefore imperative that Theresa must now direct her focus onto her opportunities post-politics.
While she may have visions of retiring happily to the country and never seeing a camera again, she must be reminded that public gures of the 21st century can have no such escape. Instead, she must begin to plot her career in reality television to keep the cash- ow coming long after she has left Parliament.
The PM was so devoid of rhythm that her chances of earning easy money and public goodwill on Strictly Come Dancing, a la Ed Balls, went completely out of the window. While the show can accept the odd hopeless dinosaur, it requires a sense of fun which seems totally absent from Mrs May.
That is in no means meant to deny her the enjoyment of running through elds of wheat, which one must admit does sound like a ravenous good time, but outside of that adventure, which shocked the nation with its naughtiness, Theresa seems to show a lack of enjoyment for anything.
With Strictly now off the cards, she must now begin to consider other options to change the public’s opinion of her. Since her marital status makes her ineligible for Love Island, there is little choice for the PM outside of I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here! which undoubtedly offers the best opportunity.
Not only will the show enable the public constant access to the real Theresa, free of the PR team that have been setting her up to fail, but it also offers her a time to increase her anecdotes beyond annoying farmers to eating spiders and crawling through snakes.
This means that when she returns she can undoubtedly thrive as an after-dinner speaker comparing the challenges of ghting European politicians to swimming in bugs in a way that only she can, opening a niche market that may spring a book or a chat show for her.
Only then when the history books look back at Theresa May, will they see not a woman laughed at by all of Europe, but one who overcame the odds of disgracing ABBA to be loved by the British public.
Image: EU2017EE Estonian Presidency via Flickr