Prerequisite: Gonzo would always be the narrator.
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
This novel prompted this entire article. It just seems perfect. Miss Piggy is Elizabeth Bennet, of course. She’s got the sass, attitude, and charisma to play Jane Austen’s leading lady. We’d suggest Fozzie Bear as Mr Bingley and maybe Camilla the Chicken as Jane Bennet. Kermit would play Mr Bennet and Sam the Eagle George Wickham. An entire cast of Muppets, bar one character… Mr. Darcy. He must remain human. The romantic hero of Austen’s oeuvre over whom we all swoon, Colin Firth could reprise the role if he were younger. A more age-appropriate option now would be Robert Pattinson. Disney, please contact us if you’re interested in producing this. The vision is there, and we are confident it would be a smash hit.
Les Misérables by Victor Hugo
From the novel to the stage production and its blockbuster film, Les Misérables has proven its popularity. A Muppets adaptation would make perfect sense. Kermit is the star as Jean Valjean, and Miss Piggy takes centre stage when she sings “I Dreamed a Dream” as Fantine. This leaves us with Janice as Cosette, Rowlf as Marius, Animal as Enjolras, and Rizzo the Rat as Gavroche. Michael Caine will be Inspector Javert, the only human. What more could you want than an adaptation of Victor Hugo’s great 19th-century novel starring the Muppets?
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë
If there were ever a Brontë novel to get a Muppet spin, we think that should be Jane Eyre. Jane will be the one human, and Anya Taylor-Joy seems like a good option. For the rest of the ensemble, Sam the Eagle embodies the brooding figure of Mr Rochester, and no one can play Bertha Mason, the mad creature in the attic, other than Animal. Miss Piggy and Kermit take on supporting roles this time as Blanche Ingram and St. John Rivers, respectively. A Muppet revival of this gothic classic is everything we English students want.
The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
A controversial take, but the portrait plays the human here. It will start as human Timothée Chalamet, and as the plot progresses, it becomes more Muppet-like (thus providing a true “Man or Muppet” moment). We would suggest that Kermit takes on the role of Basil Hallward: while different from his typical loveable hero, I think it would garner a new level of respect for our favourite frog. We smell Oscar nominations on this one.
Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson
We’ve all seen the evil Kermit meme. Of course, Jim Henson’s iconic frog is both Jekyll and Hyde. The iconic duo Statler and Waldorf share the character of legal practitioner Gabriel John Utterson. Dr Bunsen Honeydew makes his first appearance as the physician and friend of Jekyll, Dr Hastie Lanyon. With Kermit as both hero and villain in this adaptation of the legendary Scottish novella, it is sure to make a bone-chilling rendition.
Dracula by Bram Stoker
Picture this: Miss Piggy is Lucy Westenra. Kermit is obviously Dracula (he would borrow The Count’s costume from Sesame Street). Janice is Mina, Rizzo the Rat is Jonathan Harker (obviously), and Michael Caine is Van Helsing. We’re still discussing how we would get the Muppets to convincingly drink blood – we are very open to suggestions.
Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare
We couldn’t resist. Romeo and Juliet would both be humans. We would opt for the brilliant Stranger Things duo: Caleb McLaughlin and Sadie Sink. They’re both spectacular actors and would shine amongst a cast of otherwise Muppets. Kermit and Miss Piggy are Lord and Lady Capulet. Sam the Eagle is Prince Escalus. Fozzie Bear is Friar Lawrence. Pepé the King Prawn is the fiery character of Tybalt. Rowlf is Benvolio. Camilla the Chicken is the Nurse. And finally, our Mercutio would be played by Rizzo the Rat (“a plague on both your houses” … get it?) This would give Baz Luhrmann a run for his money.
Image “Muppets Mural | Jim Henson Studios” by JeffChristiansen is licensed under CC BY 2.0.
