• Tue. May 28th, 2024

ROYGBIV: Pick Your Cultural Match

Image: Wikipedia

With the news this week (from the reputable news source that is the Daily Mirror) that Londoner, Grace Gelder, has taken a lonely stroll down the aisle, only to meet herself at the other end, Culture have started to think about their own love lives, futures and potential suitors.

As this week has been blustery and autumnal at best, we’ve each found ourselves lacking a snuggle buddy. This being said, we’re not sure we really want one. Instead, we’ve taken inspiration from Gelder and have decided on perhaps slightly less conventional life partners. In no particular order, here are our three hot (cultural) dates.

This one is literally hot as one member of the Culture team chooses a Tripod from H.G. Wells’ The War of the Worlds. Before you question this absurd decision, think how cool (no pun intended) it would be to be the first person to sleep with an alien. While the solid metallic figure may not be everyone’s first choice, consider how handy those lasers would be when frying bacon. We’re thinking instant breakfast in bed.

Next up we have Dali’s lobster telephone. This was chosen more to p*ss off the friends and relatives who might not “really get” our future other half. Imagine the blank stares of other diners on Valentine’s Day as we sit in introspective silence. “He’s great once you get to know him, promise Mum”

Our final date for the evening is a little less popular. All the boys in the playground probably picked him on and he only really blossomed at university. You guessed it: it’s the drum revolve at the National Theatre in London. Thanks to the five stories of lift and storage (I’m covered thanks, Ikea), sweeping under the bed becomes a thing of the past when you can just rotate your crumbs down.

So don’t be concerned if you yourself have an unconventional love, here at Culture we’re all for love, no matter its form. As we conclude this article, the Starbucks playlist has miraculously coincided with our topic, so we leave you with the words of the Pete Shelley, of Buzzcocks:

Ever fallen in love with someone?

Ever fallen in love?

In love with someone

Ever fallen in love? (Love…)

In love with someone

You shouldn’t’ve fallen in love with.

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