Oh, North Bridge. You really couldn’t be any worse, could you?
Your whole identity is very confused. You change your name every 5 minutes: Mayfield Gardens, South Clerk St, St Patrick’s Square for all of about 30 seconds. But as you walk from the south of the city to the north to catch your train from Waverley station – it isn’t your constant name-changing that annoys me but your size.
You’re too bloody narrow! It all starts off well on Newington Road (another pseudonym) but you get to the Surgeon’s Hall bus-stop and the whole world is crammed between the Sainsbury’s and the shelter and you have to shuffle sideways for a chance of getting through.
As you become South Bridge not only are the masses hanging around by the bus stop but they’re walking in packs, so so slowly, but you can’t overtake them, unless you fancy diving into the traffic.
But ah finally, we’ve reached your final form- North Bridge. The shittiest of them all. Not only were you closed all summer, not only do you have big ugly white barriers, not only do you attract hordes of tourists with big wheely suitcases straight from the train station, but they stop in the middle of the (now miniscule) pavement to take a picture of “the view”.
They really should build a bypass around it, just for those delightful visitors, but for now, I’m just thankful for Fleshmarket Close.