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With the current atmosphere of political tension in the United Kingdom, it is refreshing to hear news of a bright new ray of hope upon the horizon. Yes, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting a second child, as officially announced by Kensington Palace last week. Following the birth of Prince George thirteen months ago, the announcement has caused mass hysteria amongst British people, who should really be finding other matters to get excited about, rather than adopting the usual rosetinted view of the Royal Family.

Whilst the new royal is perhaps arriving a little too late to save the Union, the economy will receive a much needed boost as every tacky, trashy tourist shop from Holyrood to Trafalgar Square scrambles to reprint “I Love My Auntie Pippa” baby-grows, commemorative tea towels and all manner of other junk, which a remarkable amount of people genuinely pay money for. Bookmakers benefit as punters ask for the odds on a name for the unborn child. After a matter of days we have clear favourites; the uninspiring Victoria, Elizabeth and Phillip all stand at 10-1, whilst higher odds are given for Carole and Nigel. Punters are also presented with the wild card of Boris, riding high at 100-1.

Bar a massive catastrophe, this baby will never ascend to the throne, but will fill an equally vital spot in the Royal Family. So far, young George has performed his princely duties perfectly, with dignified appearances at various sickening functions. Alternatively, his new brother or sister will need to continue the sterling work of Uncle Harry in playing the role of cool, rebellious, younger prince.

Meanwhile Hello! desperately try to obtain rights to the baby pictures, and Paddy Power hope they won’t have to pay out at 500-1 odds on the new royal being named Ringo.

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