So you lost the IndyRef. Depending on your allegiances, these are the last songs you’ll want to hear come Friday morning whilst nursing a political hangover.
‘YES’
Tame Impala – Feels Like We Only Go Backwards
All those hopes of North Sea oil revenue, green energy investment, and the possibility of swapping the drinking water for Irn Bru have all just evaporated before your very eyes. Oh, what could have been!
Jamie xx – All Under One Roof Raving
Because the sample on the renowned producer’s new single of a bloke repeatedly saying “and we kept it UK” is the most in-your-face piss take you could hear right now.
The Strawbs – Part of the Union
“You don’t get me I’m part of the union, til the day I die, til the day I die” sings this little known 1973 classic. So, although you thought Norway was flirting with you, I’m afraid this marriage is until death do us part, mate.
Rick Astley – Never Gonna Give you Up
This one is best imagined when you replace the man himself with Cameron and Osborne, doing a little smug dance all over your crushed dreams, to create the most insulting (and perhaps only) Rick Roll in British political history.
Belle and Sebastian – It Could Have Been a Brilliant Career
To round things off, here’s Glasgow’s finest. Despite your best efforts, you may not have had a stroke at 24 Scotland, however you’ve now soiled yourself when faced with the possibility of your own freedom. Enjoy your eternal shame!
‘NO’
Taylor Swift – We Are Never Getting Back Together
Perhaps the ultimate breakup song of the 21st century, it’s not time to argue over who owns the mugs and the CDs you obviously don’t use any more. You’ll get your nuclear weapons back though, so that’s a small victory.
Sonic Youth – Teenage Riot
What was once a phenomenal song by a phenomenal band is now simply a reminder of how specky, bleach blonde, lynx-wearing whippersnappers got a hold of the age old right to vote, which is more insulting when usually no one even bothers to anyway.
Bombay Bicycle Club – Carry Me
Because Jack Steadman’s soft voice singing “carry me, carry me” over and over again sounds eerily like what the Scots will be begging the English in 10 years when they’re skint. Albeit without the Buckfast doused Caledonian drawl.
Depeche Mode – Never Let Me Down Again
“He promises me we’re as safe as houses, so long as I remember whose wearing the trousers”. You definitely didn’t remember Scotland. The union could’ve kept your houses safe but now Salmond’s going to have a wild time at the bookies and buy some fancy fags with them.
The Proclaimers – Anything
They’ve been tub thumping the YES drum for years, and above all they’re just a double dose of god awfulness that Leith should be more ashamed of than its crime rate. Worse still is they’ll be everywhere now, and perhaps even be evil enough to write a song about how right they were.